Feeling Very Lonely

Off late, I've been feeling very very lonely, and I have absolutely no clue as to why!!!

Maybe I can attribute this to suddenly having a lot of free time. For those of you who're wondering what that means - till about 4 weeks back, I was moonlighting and you could say - was juggling two full time jobs:
(a) My regular day job at Oracle, and,
(b) Consulting work at Carinov.
This left me very very busy, very very occupied, very very tired, and moreover stressed out. Ergo, all I wanted to do when I came home - during those days - was take a shower and crash!

Or, I could attribute this to having cut down on my liquor intake. From once/twice a week to once in maybe a month/two. Thanks to the cut down, I am sober in the evenings, and ergo, my mind is free to wander around and think silly (sometimes bordering stupid even) thoughts.

Or, I could attribute this to my office having shifted to outer ring road. Thanks to this, I come home pretty early these days - say by 6.30 pm (when my office was near Forum, I used to work, on most days atleast, till around 12 pm).
(For those of you who're wondering why I come home early now - its because Outer Ring Road is a pretty unsafe area once it gets dark, and like every other person - I fear for my life and valuables more than my work!)


To kill time during evenings, initially, I tried calling up my college and school batch mates. But, thanks to a soaring telephone bill, I had to give up that "hobby".

Later, I tried to revive the reading habit I used to have during my school days. But, sadly, reading is not so much fun when you do it every day, and moreover you're "having" to do it cause you have "nothing better" to do. Maybe many of you bookworms won't agree with me here - but hey - This is a democratic country, and in it - I'm entitled to voice my views and opinions too!

After this, I tried to work on improving my culinary skills. Justice be done, cooking does help one kill his time. And in my defense, I do make the "regular stuff" - like omelets, dosas, noodles, spaghetti, et al - pretty well.
But, when I try to experiment with new recipes, I end up either adding too much chilly or dhania or turmeric powder (or for that matter some ingredient or the other!), or if I am especially lucky - just burning it!
End result: The dish drills a wide hole in my stomach and large intestines, and I end up having to sit in the toilet - both at work and home - for extended hours till the excess chilly powder leaves my system. Finally, in my best interests, I decided not to experiment anymore!
(For example I tried my hand at making Potato Sagu last Monday (11/2/08). Everything went fine - till I added too much of the Potato Sagu Masala I'd bought the previous night. The end result - the dish was so damn 'hot' that my eyes and nose was watering. I tried to counter it by squeezing lemon over the dish, but lemon can only do so much. And thanks to the Sagu, I ended up in the toilet for the next 4 days!)

So, like all good things, that too came to an end.

Finally, I started resorting to watching movies. I found myself thinking - "Now, that is something that'd never fail!"
Well, to an extent, I was right. But, like my reading fiasco, when you're watching movies because you have nothing else to do - this too came to a screeching end.

And since we're on movies, let me talk about it a bit more...
After a very long hiatus, I started watching romantic flicks, and most surprisingly - started to like them!
I don't mean to say that I'm some sort of a "Grinch" when it comes to romancing and stuff. But seriously, I find most of the English and Hindi romance flicks a little toooooo mushy and gaaa-gaaa-gooo-gooo types for my tastes.
But, like I said a second earlier, I started savoring whatever bullshit the actors/directors were throwing at me!
And, I don't know whether its because of this, that I started feeling the need to "Complete Myself" (read as get myself a Girlfriend!)
(I can't believe I'm saying bullshit like this ... Must be an effect of watching them romance movies!)

Heck, its even got to the stage where, during the last couple of days, I was sitting and thinking - If I didn't break up with my college sweetie I'd probably not be feeling so damn low right now!!!
For those of you who know why we broke up - Well ... You'll understand that this means dire straits!
For those of you who don't know why we broke up - Well ... It's for good reasons you don't know about it - So, let's keep it that way!


As an engineer, and moreover an IT professional at that, I'm trained to solve "problems". So, I'm going to take this chance to solve this problem. The way I see it, I have the following options:

1. Start boozing everyday.
That way, I won't have the sense to feel lonely. And in the event I do - It’s just because I am drunk!

2. Tell my mom about this "feeling" of loneliness I am going through.
I already know what would happen if I did tell her about it. She's been trying to convince me to get married for a while now. This will just add value to her case. She'll start justifying and rallying her case by saying - "This will help you get over your loneliness!"
But, that’s like suggesting one to get their feet amputated - because your feet hurt. Agreed that moving forward your leg won't hurt anymore, but hey - you don't have a leg anymore.
Similarly, in this case, Agreed that I won't be lonely anymore. But, I'll be stuck with one girl for the rest of my life!!!
Not exactly the best of deals - at least the way I see it...

3. Hook up with someone.
Although this sounds like the most straightforward thing to do, it is also by far the toughest thing - for a plethora of reasons of course! So, let’s, at least for the moment, set it aside!

4. Shoot myself.
Well-wishers - don't worry - I'm not that desperate, at least not yet! It's just that I know Options 2 and 3 will "eventually" get me killed. So, I decided to put in another option that gets me there impromptu!

5. Find a new hobby.
But the million dollar question is what??? I've pretty much exhausted all my options - Reading Books, Cooking, Movies, Music ... Any suggestions are welcome on this front!

6. Enroll for Higher Studies.
Sadly, thanks to a "Not-So-Great" CAT score; I don't think I will be able to get into any good B-School this year. And, I'm not that desperate to enroll myself in some 3rd grade B-school like NIRMA or TAPMI! After all, B-Schools cost a huge pot of money, and I definitely want better and highly tangible return on investment than it proving to be a way to get over my loneliness!


Well, this is all I can think off for now. In case I find any more options, I will update this blog accordingly.


In the meanwhile, if any of you can come up with anything suggestive - please feel free to leave your valuable "ideas".