Monday, June 15, 2009

Divorce Blues

Recently, I learnt how stinging a divorce can be. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not the one getting divorced. One of my good friends is. Poor girl ... From whatever she's told me - she was in a very bad, loveless and traumatic marriage. Her husband abused her, emotionally blackmailed her, beat her up. Her In-Laws were even more sinister - doing whatever the hubby did and more. She even recounts one occasion where her mother-in-law tried to kill her using the "exploding stove" technique that is so common in India. Somehow, I think she was exaggerating on that bit. Heck, she might have exaggerated on many other counts as well.
But, the moral of the story is - she was traumatized to the core. So, much that she started living separately from her hubby and in-laws. She's being doing that for the last 4.5 years odd now.

Ofcourse, there were attempts by her hubby to try and re-concile things. But, somehow, things never worked out. If you ask me - I'd put the blame on her for that. Because, whenever I asked her about the "time when they were together again" she had very hateful things to say. Stuff like - I used to take out all my frustration on him for all the bad times he had given me. We didn't have sex at all. I only agreed to give it a shot for our son (Oh ... forgot to mention that she has a son from that fellow!). I took my revenge on him and mistreated him just as badly as he did me a couple of years ago.

What I am trying to get at here is - I get it that she's pissed at him and all. But, if he's waving the white flag and asking for forgiveness and wants to make amends for whatever he's done to her - the last thing she should be doing is taking revenge and pissing him off even more. I mean - I try to put myself in the shoes of the guy - and I'm feeling all depressed and angry and hate filled already.

Anyways ... The guy didn't or should I say couldn't take any more of her shit - and things went back to tangents Once Again!
This was followed by, the only logical thing to do given this background, him trying to file for divorce.

Now, obviously, its a divorce for crying out loud. It's going to be messy. After all - if he says "Yeah ... I am the wrong party ... It's not her fault at all!" then he's looking at saying bye-bye to half his assets and paying a healthy amount of money as alimony for the rest of his miserable life (Did I mention that this couple didn't have any sort of a pre-nuptial agreement either!)

Now, the process in India for divorce is pretty long drawn and hilarious/torturous - depending on which side of the table you're looking at it from.

Torturous - for the couple who's undergoing it - because it's going to take that much longer to "legally" not have to see each other and not have anything to do with each other ever again.

Hilarious - for the friend(s) who's supporting their friend who's going through with the divorce proceedings - because you'd find it amusing, as well as interesting, the things your friend has to say about her soon-to-be-ex. Trust me on this!


Anyways ... My friend had a lot of things to say about "what he said" about her in court. I've listed a few of them below:

  • She has had multiple abortions - none of which was his
  • She drinks and smokes a lot
  • She's slept with many other men when she was married

Well ... It's not like she didn't say anything nasty about him in court. I've listed a few of them below:

  • His family is a set of thugs and goons who wouldn't hesitate to kill her.
  • They swindled off all the dowry her parents had given her and were harrassing her for more money.
  • They had mandated a large amount of dowry (Dowry is illegal in India. You could be put in jail for 10 years if prosecuted for it!)

With all these things that happened. I figured she'd hate the guy enough to "move on" to another relationship.
(If something like that ever popped up i.e)

But, I was mistaken. The girl is so damn scarred emotionally that every time me, or any of her other friends, or her parents and close relatives for that matter, suggest the idea - she snaps at us. And trust me when I say - she doesn't say very pretty stuff when she snaps!


Well ... There is nothing much I can do out here but help her ride the wave. Be supportive, understanding, and as far as possible "be there" for her when she needs help.

Hopefully - she'll get over this trough in her life. Hopefully, she'll fall in love with someone once again ... Real Soon!


Good Luck Sweetie!!!
God Bless Ya ...

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