Commitment Phobia

I accept. I have a fear of commitment. That's why I treat the institution of marriage with such fear and maybe even abhor it!

But, justice be done, I wasn't always like this. There was a time - back when I entered college - when I actually thought that marriage was a great thing to happen to any guy.
Why wouldn't I think like that ... You got free and unlimited sex, someone cooked for you, you inherited your as well as her dad's money, you got expensive gifts for your marriage and if your "smart" (read as have a rich father-in-law) - you would be set for life.
:D

Light apart, back then, I was the simpleton who believed in the one-girl-for-life theory, and being sincere to her etc etc etc!
(Its kindda hard for me to accept it - but yes, there you have it ... Straight from the horses mouth!!!)


But, things took a drastic U-Turn over the next couple of years. Let me take a moment to break here and talk about my cousin - Ravi Etta.

Ravi Etta was the epitome of success in our entire family. He was always good in everything he did - sport, academics - you name it and he was numero uno in it!
He sported a 6 foot plus frame and was gifted with the glib. Add to that the characteristic talk dark and handsome looks - an voila, you have a Greek God in the making!!!
So, I guess, it goes without saying that he was really popular amongst the babes (He never revealed this in person to me, but trust me when I say I got tasty tidbits of information from very reliable sources about his so called "affairs" during college!)

He was this really cooooooooooool person we always wanted to hang out with. Him coming over to Cochin during his college vacations was the only thing we all looked forward to (Oh btw - he is a BITS'ian).

In short, he was the apple in our eyes. The heart and soul of every party!


So, I hope you get the message how awesome a person he WAS!

Yes ... I meant WAS itself. You know why??? Because he got MARRIED!!!
Like they say everything good must come to and END. And this case - it did all too well!!!


Cause after marriage, he no longer had time for any of us. He was always busy going on outings with his wife. Of course, if we were at home, he would be kind enough to ask if we wanted to tag along too. But, come on - none of us were so damn lame NOT to have understood that those were just "formal" invites!

I don't mean to sound like a 13 year old who just lost his first girl friend to the neighbourhood kid. But, yes, I accept I was jealous as hell of having "lost" a role model.
But then, I myself was in college around then. And over the next couple of years, I saw the best of my friends end up in relationships, and then slowly distance themselves from us - just so that they could spend "quality time" with their girlfriends. It was only at this point in time that I realized what my cousin did was just plain ordinary and not because he was some sort of an uxorious jerk. And trust me when I say that it was only at this point when I truly and completely forgave him!

But, yes, after that incident (or should I say those incidents), I am worried that I might end up distancing myself from a lot of my good friends just to be with "her"!
(Friends mean a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot to me, and I don't want some girl to spoil all that!!!)


On top of that, having been in a few relation myself (back in college i.e.), I also know that girls tend to be very very bossy. The also expect you to give up a lot of things you have been doing for as far as you can remember! They demand a lot of things! And more importantly - they expect you to change (they claim its for the better and that I should be doing that for my own good!) who you are!!!

Call me a chauvinist, but who in the world are they to dictate how I live my life? Its not like they listen to anything you say or ask!
Also, while you're at it, call me a jerk too! But, I am just not ready to be controlled and ruled by someone else's whims and fancies!!!



Add all these uncertainties and thoughts together, and you end up with the current Sharath - who is really really scared of commitment!!!