A Deft Reply

I found this article about Things Women Hate About Men


The author - Meenakshi Shankar - has raised some questions here, which I - on behalf of my gender - will take a dig at:


.1. Ask you out, start a relationship with you, then ponder to their guy friends, "I'm not sure if she is my type!

There is always the "newness" element involved when we ask you out and start a relationship with you. But, over the course of time, we understand that you may/not have the "things" that we are looking for in our potential life partner. These "things" can be anything ranging from stuff like - "You don't give us breathing space" to "You're too controlling" to "You don't make me feel as special as I want to feel" all the way to "You suck in bed!"

I'm sure girls wouldn't understand the logic behind this simple thing. So, I'm gonna try and put in words/ideas that you folks can understand.


Now, assume that you buy a new red dress. Something reaaaaaaaaally sexy. Initially, you're all excited about it. You wanna wear it at every possible opportunity. Wear it to every function and get together ... But, over a period of time - you realize that this is probably not the "best fit" for you and that you have "other options" or you get "plain bored" with it.

Well ... I hope the message is loooooooooooud and clear now Sister!!!



.2. Think that there is something wrong about gay men, but lesbians they totally support

Gay Men is yucky ... Besides - If we were cool with it - you'd want us to/some guy to stick his dick into our/his ass ... THE MERE THOUGHT OF IT HURTS A LOT!!!


But lesbians - now that's cool. And heck - you don't have to stick anything anywhere!!! You just sit back and enjoy the show. Besides - the way I see it - what difference does it make if a guys eats ya out or a girl???



.3. Male chauvinism! We fail to understand why men can stop and ask for direction till its 50 odd kms into the wrong direction?! It’s always been a mystery why they will not stop and ask for directions!

We KNOW our way. If we get lost (rarest of rarest scenarios) - It's because the landmarks have changed. Period!!!



.4. Tells everyone that you are smothering them and that they are annoyed that you are always around. But the very second you get off work or are out with your friends for a change, your cell phone starts ringing off the hook and he's saying , "When are coming over. I miss you. I love you. Come back!

It's our way of being romantic ...
(Pssssssst ... When we say we miss you or we love you - We REALLY mean it!)



.5. Temporary amnesia! They remember the names of football and cricketers from some odd country, their scores, their entire career track but ask them about birthday’s or anniversaries and the scores each player has made, but cannot for the life them remember birthdays, anniversaries and buying gifts. What kind selective memory is that?

In our defense, Sometimes we do forget the cricketers/footballers scores or sometimes - we even get it all mixed up. No harm ever came out of that!
But, if we ever mix up a birthdays or forget an anniversary - We're screwed!!!
Grrrrrrrrrrrr ...

Besides, dates are for historians and archaeologists - Not us!


.6. Oh, they nod their head with aplomb when the topic veers towards gender equality! They are all for it! But, when it comes to pitching in with household chores suddenly, gender equality is an alien lingo!

We wouldn't even dream of "stealing" what you ladies so proudly prize - THE HOME!

Besides, when was the last time you let the guy do the house hold chores according to his wishes?
"Not so much detergent" ... "The Dhaal needs a dash more of salt and a tad more of oil" ... "You missed a spot" ... "Dry the pants inside out" ... etc ... etc ... etc ...

If you guys want us to do stuff your way - why don't you just do it yourselves???
After all - It's not THAT difficult???


.7. They categorize women into two types a cool type and a marriageable type. They love to hang around with the hip and happening babes, but when it comes to tying the knot, it’s a virgin bride all the way through! As the saying rightly goes, You can go to a restaurant and look at the menu card, but its home- cooked meal that completes you. And our men, seem to follow that saying to the T.

I'll be very very very honest (read as point blank) here. We like dating cool types - because the are fun to hang out with and easy to bed. Period!
And it is for this same and very reason we shy away from marrying them.

This is how our smart male brain thinks:

"If it was so easy for me to get her into bed - another guy would be able to do so too. What if that happens after marriage? Divorce!!! But, if I divorce her - she'll leave with half my wealth ... Grrrrrrrrr ... She sleeps with someone else - and I end up having to pay her for it too .... No fucking way I'm gonna let that happen. Hmmmmmmm ... what do I do now? Isn't it better to marry someone else - who's not so "easy" ... Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh yesssssssss .... That's the perfect answer to this problem ... I need to find myself a "marriageable types" girl .... Simple!!!"


I hope that answers your question on why we prefer marriageable types girls (read as virgins!) v/s the cool types girls (read as easy lays!)



.8. An absolute control over the remote control! There has to be some kind of deep seated relation to this, but it’s yet to be unearthed.

It's not because we love the remote so much, but, it's because we know if we leave it lying around - you'll end up watching all those dreaded "Saas-Bahu" soaps, and we'll have to watch that crap as well!

Besides, watching stuff like Financial news, Stock Market, Sports, Music Videos is much better than watching the silly junk you folks fantasize!


.9. Strutting around like a peacock! Ugggh ... that’s a no no! Agreed that they are handy when it comes to fixing a loose wire or tightening the nuts and bolts, but constantly stroking their feathers on that count weighs us down.

Yeah right ... you expect us to do all the "risky" and "dangerous" work and not strut around, but you can make one good tasty "Chicken Tikka Masala" and boast about it to every one on the planet for as long as you live - and that's perfectly normal.

Hippocratic to the core!!!


.10. Not that there is anything wrong with looking (we also like to look!), but someone ought to teach the boys the fine art of looking! There is a very fine line between ogling and looking. And somehow, our boys think its all one and the same!

We believe in being honest and that's what we've been taught right from Day # 1. You girls on the other hand are all about stealth
(I prefer to call it Sly - but stealth will do for now!)


Okay ... Bullshit apart - we also know "how to" sneak a peek. And when it slips to ogling - it's because the chick is so damn hot!!!
(Come on ... Think about it ... When you see a good looking chick with big tits and a round ass - who the heck cares about decency and diplomacy!!!)

Movie Review - Quantum of Solace

There is always a lot of hype around Bond movies. And although I didn't like Daniel Craig playing James Bond that much, my curiosity got the better of me, and so, I decided to watch Quantum of Solace.

To be honest, I was enjoying my weekly body massage (you guys should take one too. It's so damn relaxing!!!) when I realized that I was running late for the show. So, I had to ask my masseur to cut short the massage by 30 odd mins (generally it lasts about 1 hour) and rushed to the theater to catch the show.

To cut a long story short - I am VERY disappointed!!!

This movie is the only Bond movie I've seen (I've seen em all btw. Right from the Roger Moore starers all the way to Daniel Craig) where I was constantly looking at my watch and thinking about Popcorn and Pepsi refills and wondering when this movie would end - than looking at the events on screen!

I'm going to be "in-your-face" honest here. The main things I like about bond movies are:
1. The hot girls
2. How he gets them into bed
3. The Cool Gadget
4. The "Dream" Cars
5. The Action
6. The "Save The World" plot

Well, to put it this way, this James Bond movie doesn't have any of them!


The girl in this movie - Olga Kurylenko - is a little short of disappointing. "Seriously James ... She doesn't turn me on - how the fuck did she turn you on??? But, hey, that explains why you didn't sleep with her!!!"

Generally, Bond girls are "Ultra Glamorous" personified. Sophie Marceau, Rosamund Pike, Famke Janssen, Izabella Scorupco, Serena Scott Thomas, Hally Berry, Jane Seymour, Dennis Richards, etc to name a few.

Olga Kurylenko on the other hand - she comes no where near that image. Firstly, she doesn't have a single shot in the movie where she is dressed in something "nice and sexy". Secondly, she sports this nasty little burn scar on her back that really really makes you wanna puke! Third, she doesn't have any "assets". For those of you who didn't get it - ASSETS = ASS AND TITS!
Seriously, she's got really really small tits. And her ass is pretty much non existent!


It's always a pleasure to see Bond get women into bed. To be honest - I try to watch those sequences over and over again to see if there is something I can "learn" from it. But, in QoS - there weren't any (except for one silly little excuse for it!).


Bond's watch is the most kick ass gadget he carries. From shooting laser beams to deploying a high tension wire inside of it - it does a lot of other things besides telling the time! In this movie. His watch is a dud. The only gadget he uses his Gun. And it does what every gun does - Shoot (Duh!)


There are no damn cars in this movie. The only fight sequence from inside "vehicles" was one in the air where Bond pilots a run down Cargo aircraft and picks a bone with a Fighter Aircraft (Of course - he comes out as a champion. But, yaaaaaaaaawn, wasn't that obvious!)


This is the only section where Daniel Craig stages a win over other Bond actors. This guy has a macho body and his punches does pack a walla. But, hey, James Bond is supposed to be a Super Spy, not a street boxer!
But anyways, to give QoS some credit, the fight sequences is the only thing that *might* save you from sleeping off through the movie!


The plot in this movie is complete crap. Bond wants to avenge the people who made his girlfriend kill herself, and Olga wants to kill some general who raped her sister and mother ages ago!

What I fail to understand is - How can she Vesper be HIS girlfriend - when "technically" she was already seeing someone else, and was doing all the espionage stuff to save her "other" boyfriend. And besides - who the heck kills themselves (and that too by drowning themself!) these days to save their loved ones? I bought that load of crap in the Harry Potter series (Alice sacrifices herself for Harry). But, in a James Bond movie ... I don't think so!!!


Anyways, another thing I noticed was, in QoS, they flashed a woman's pussy (This happens in the last 20 odd mins off the movie. When the General is about to rape some girl and Olga barges into the room with a gun!). I really don't know why they had to show that though. The sequence could've done well without it. None of the earlier movies even dared to show the woman's nipple. But here ...

I guess the director wanted to give the viewers some "Value For Money"!


On the whole, this is one seriously avoidable movie. And if any one of you haven't watched the movie yet - DON'T BOTHER. You won't be missing anything!!!

Busy ... Busy ... Busy ...

Life's been a blur off late - Especially with the new project at work (which I don't like btw!), gym sessions (I've lost 6 kilos in the last 1 month!), and my business (making money was never so much fun!) - I'd be surprised if it wasn't!!!

But, thanks to this uber hectic schedule, I've had to give up a few of my earthly pleasures ... Like catching a movie, playing a game, going on a trip, exploring the city a little bit, etc.

Talking about movies, I've been wanting to check out a few of them (actually quite a few of them) - Especially the following:

.1. Hello
.2. Singh is King
.3. Fashion
.4. Kurukshetra
.5. Twenty - Twenty
.6. Quantum of Solace
.7. Shawshank Redemption


If anyone can lend me the DVD's of any of these movies - please please please do so. I'll make it worth your while (CCD ... Beer ...)

Also, I need to catch up on some reading. Correction ... I have a huge backlog of books that I need to complete reading.


Well ... I guess it's time to bring out my planner and block 1 hour per day for some quality "Me" time (Now where's that goddamn planner when you need it #$@#$#@$#@$)

Till laterz then ....

I Sting Like A Bee

There is this colleague of mine at my employers'. To sum him up in 3 words - "Moronic, Hyper-vacillate, Lazy".

Seriously ... That's what he is. Or at least - that's my opinion!

Every single day I find him hyper vacillating over the silliest things. And the way he talks about his "workload" would bring tears to Ramadorai's eyes!
(Heck - I think even Hitler might cry!!!)


And what I find really silly and moronic about him is the fact that he doesn't want to get his concepts right. For example - if we are given a bug to fix - all he wants is to do something blindly in the hopes that it will work, instead of taking a scientific approach to it!
(Trust me when I say - I've seen one too many incidents to be "mistaken")

And to tell you about how lazy he is - ohhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyy gaaaaaaaaawd!!! He is as lazy as a sloth.


But, justice be done, his best talent is his ability to projects himself as "Super Man". He portrays himself as Einstein and his work as Rocket Science so damn well that people other than me (I know the "real facts" cause I work in the same bloody project!) think he is super smart.

And you know what - that "sells" at my current employers'. All you need to create is a hype and brouhaha about how much work your onsite PL is offloading onto your shoulder - and voila the folks around you automatically start worshiping you!


All these things said and done - he has one nasty habbit. He tends to stay late at work, and because of this - the little git doesn't like others going home early.
(To be more specific - He doesn't like ME heading for home at 7 PM!)

For the last couple of weeks I've been keeping quiet. After all he has more experience in the product - and the team in general - than me, and hence, I would definitely need his help to survive! So, I can't afford to pick up a fight with him.

But today, the little bastard got it left-right-top-and-bottom from me.

I don't know whether it was because I was very tired and irritable per se, or was it because I had intimated my manager that I wanted a release so that I can explore a move into a Sales and Marketing role that I might be offered (in another project i.e.), or was it simply cause - I was dying to give him a dressing down!

To explain in very brief what happened today - I pulled him into a conference room and told him "Dude ... You mind your business and I'll mind mine ... I know when to come and when to leave office ... If the manager or PL has a problem with that - let THEM ask me and I will explain to them. The last thing I want is YOU TO TELL ME what time I should come and leave or how I should do my work! Are we clear on this!!!"


Of course - it was not the most diplomatic of things to do (and I know it's even less diplomatic to write about that incident on my blog) - but what the heck ... He was asking for it!
(I must confess - It felt good!!!)


Tomorrow - when I get back to work - I am sure I can look forward to some trouble.
Knowing him - I am pretty sure he would've done some complaining, or at the very least some behind-my-back-politics that will ensure that I have some "answering" to do to my PL and managers!


Well all I can say is :

Two can play at that game!!!


:D

A Compliment Or Pure Perversion

I was watching this show on NDTV about "Emotional Infidelity" when one of the guests - Vir Das (Of Mumbai Salsa fame) - made a really cute statement:
"Women have platonic male friends ... Men have women they haven't slept with yet!"

I'm pretty sure all you women readers would be fuming right now. But, hey, accept it - THIS IS A FACT.

How much ever you trust, like (maybe even love!) and confide in us - at some point or the other - we've thought of you naked ... We've thought of making out with you ... We've thought of having sex with you ... Heck - In the process - We've probably even jerked off a few times!!!

I don't know why you women think of this as a crime worthy of crucification. The way I see it - at the very least - It's a flattering compliment!!!

Just think about it - If we men didn't think you were hot and worthy of our attention - we wouldn't think up all these "impish thoughts" would we?
(I know you girls prefer to user the terms lewd, and sexist, and cheap. But hey, this is my blog and I'm gonna use words I want!)
:P


And don't for a second think we don't know why you're making such a big deal of this. It's really simple you see. Women equate "anything sexual" to "marriage" and "commitment" (yucky!!!!).

The second you make out with a guy - you're already thinking of the flowers that'll be there at your marriage, what the wedding cards will look like, who all will come for the marriage, etc ...


But, in our case - the difference is - we stop with the sex!!!
We haven't thought of marriage ... Neither have we thought of how many kids we want ... Heck - We haven't even thought of whether/not to sleep with you the very next night!
(unless you were a damn good fuck!)


I found this very well written blog about a woman's insight into this whole thing. Do make it a point to read it so that you get a well rounded perspective of what both warring faction have to say.



Now if you ask me who is guilty party here - It's similar to asking "What Came First - The Chicken Or The Egg".
So, in conclusion I'd like to quote the title of a book I plan to read over the next couple of weeks
"Men Are From Mars ... And Women Are From Venus"

Halloween

I siphoned these halloween pictures off a blog I follow

I just had to share it with ya'll ...
:)



For The Guys




For The Girls




For The Freaks

A Taste Of Failure

So .... It's happened. For the first time in my professional life - I have failed to deliver on a commitment. And you know what - I don't give a damn!

I don't know why there is such an attitude of indifference.

- Maybe it's my defense mechanisms kicking into high gear ...

- Maybe I'm being very arrogant - because I already have a couple of offers letters with me ...

- Maybe I'm hoping that I will be able to go back to Oracle if I don't like it here ...

- Maybe I'm confident that even if I nothing works out - I'll still be able to do my freelancing business and make a decent living out of it ...

- Maybe I am just hoping that a couple of months down the road I wont be working for my current employer anymore ...

- Maybe I don't care that much about growing in my career anymore ...

- Maybe I'm willing to risk giving up my job to follow my dream of being an entrepreneur ...


That's a loooooooooooooot of Maybe's don't you think ... But, honestly, I don't know which one of these it is!!!


Well, one thing is for sure. Come Monday, there are going to be a lot of pissed managers and they're going to hold "Root Cause Analysis" meetings. So, I better come up with a diplomatic and very technically sound justifications (read as bullshit) by then.


God Help Me!!!

Mission Impossible - Just Became Possible

It's unbelievable. I never thought I would live to see this day. But you know what - it's happened.

Oh ... For those of you nice gentleman and hot ladies (Pallu that means you!!!) - I am referring to my bank balance.

For the last 3.5 years that I've been earning, I've never seen my Bank Account grow over 45K - and that too it happens only at the start of the month (now you know how much I make!!!). And generally, by the mid of the month, by some sort of "black magic", this number automatically goes down to anything between 4K - 9K. And by the last week, I'm pretty much left scrounging for pennies!


But, this month, I was totally happy when I saw that finalllllllllllllllllllllllllllly - I touched a 6 figure account balance!

Yahooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ...


Now people ... Please don't jinx me or put an evil eye on me. Puhlessssssssssssssssssssss let me enjoy my thunder for as long as it lasts.
:)

Anyways ... To be honest, I know that my thunder isn't going to last very long, and that this account balance is soon going to dissipate into thin air!
Hey ... With all the Rent, Household bills, Education loans, Personal Loans, Petrol Costs, Building Maintainace bills to pay - I'll be lucky if I end up 20K by the end of the month.
Why can't people just give stuff away and not ask for any money in return???


Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ... I hate bills!!!

:D