Why My Former Company Churns Out The World's Best Employees And Managers

After working for about 2 years at Oracle, I moved to a new organization 8 months back.
The last 8 months, I must say, has taught me a loooooooooot of things. To be absolutely honest, it has been an extremely informative as well as humbling experience. And during this period - one of the more important learnings I've gained is how and why the employees from My Employer (hereafter referred to as My*E*) end up as the worlds best managers and consultants.



1. Exceptional Planning Skills

In a company where the toilets don't have toilet paper and most often than not - the taps don't have water in them either - planning is a daily part of your life. Taking into consideration the holistic perspective that taking a shit in the office is not an option, employees come prepared to fart for all they are worth, but not visit the toilets.

We recently has one of our US clients visit us. Unfortunately, for him, as usual there was no toilet paper in the washrooms. I was taking a leak in the bathroom then, and hence, I got to see his frantic rummaging for some paper. The poor fellow had no way out but to "control" his emotions till he got back to his hotel in evening. From the next day onwards, I think, he started bringing his own roll of paper!



2. Operation Excellence

Generally, any company that expects its employees to sit beyond their regular work hours makes it up to them. This is in the form of dinner allowances, snack allowances, free cab drop to homes, having a support system available to help you in case of any emergency, etc. In short - at the very least - they provide you a conducive environment to work!

Well, not My*E* ... To give you some background - We work off a leased out L&T owned building. As per the agreement signed by My*E* and L&T, it seems that My*E* would have to pay extra money if they want the air conditioning systems to be run beyond the regular office times (9 am to 6.30 pm).
Now My*E* is very smart and doesn't want to bear this cost. So, they pass it on to the project teams. Now, the project teams don't want to accept this as it would affect their profitability big time.

So ... What do you think they do???

Very simple. They tell the team members "Officially" that they should not stay beyong 6.30 pm and work. But, "unofficially" your PM tells you to sit till 2 am in the morning and complete the project!


3. Cost Cutting

This one is as simple as it gets:
1. Low Pay
2. No Benefits

Period !!!


4. Appraisal System


The managers at My*E* respect each other. On that note, I think it's prudent to add that their mode of gauging (or should I say sizing up!) each other is by "who reprimanded, in the most loud, obscene and weirdest fashion, his subordinate in front of how many other employees!".
The unwritten thumb rule is - The higher the headcount and decibal value - the more respected, honored, established and sought after manager he is!

This is one company culture that sets My*E* apart from all the other employers I've heard of!




So, to sum it up - if you're arrogant-to-the-core, don't-know-shit-about-your-work, are-a-loud-arse-faced-moron - drop me a call - I'll put you in touch with My*E*'s HR folks - As they say in fairy tales - "And they lived happily ever after!"




Status Update : Thanks to not fitting the above bill - I decided to leave My*E* and pursue employment elsewhere. I will soon be posting a field report on whether/not these new guys are any different. Keep watching this space for more action packed adventure stories of 'Shikari Sharathu'

A Special Message

Well ... There you have it ... This is EXACTLY WHAT I want to tell "someone" right now !!!

Hand Writing Analysis

I got a Handwriting Analysis done, and this is what the software spewed out:

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You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a social person who likes to talk and meet others.
You are negative, fearful, resistant, doubtful, and/or selfish.
You are not very reserved, impatient, self-confident and fond of action.
You are self-confident and like to bring attention to yourself.

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If you want to take the test for yourself - Click Here.